I am in a vortex of obligation.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
