she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Buhtt sex?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
