Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
