The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
