Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
