Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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