I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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