Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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