apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
