Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
