Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
