Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
