So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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