It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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