Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
