Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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