would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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