If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
