worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Randomize
