There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
