she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
