i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
