Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
