I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
