The maid of honor just puked.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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