This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
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