i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Enjoy the penises
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
