Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
