I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
