Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
