Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
