u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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