Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize