the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
