After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
