i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
