Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
