erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize