How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
third nipple confirmed
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
