Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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