How'd it feel making her break her religion?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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