There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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