the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
