so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Everything about him screamed your future.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
