it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize