I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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