Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
