i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
