Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
