my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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