I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
