i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
