i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
