I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
