mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
