The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
