We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Randomize
