WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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