dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
love makes seman taste better
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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