I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
