Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i will never coherently bang her
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
