I never want to see another naked old woman again.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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