tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
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