so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
