That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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