Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
