One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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