So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
