i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
