Swine flu. Run for my life!
Say something about gay babies.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
