I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I just had sex on a roof
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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